Weight, what?

I don’t categorize myself as a curvy or plus size blogger, and there’s a reason for that.  I have been a size 6, size 16, and every size between.  For me, maintaining a healthy weight has been a struggle since puberty, and though I’ve had different theories over the years about why that is (I’m too lazy, I lack persistence), recently I’ve discovered a medical reason: I have hypothyroid.  For those of you who have struggled personally with hypothyroidism, you know how hard it is to lose any weight, even when you’re doing all the right things (meds, reducing caloric intake, exercising, cutting out processed foods).  I no longer eat wheat, dairy or very many white foods, I eat a lot of vegetables and legitimately make healthy choices for the most part.  People around me do far less than I do and are able to lose weight, and it is so incredibly frustrating for me to see.  In the past, I’ve resorted to crash diets where I consume 500 calories a day for weeks or months to lose weight, and that always works…until I resume being normal, then the weight comes back with some friends, and they have a big party on my thighs, butt, boobs, arms, stomach…you know, all the fun hotspots.  Obviously the crash dieting is unhealthy, so I’ve committed to stopping that for good.  Now I have lots of vegetable juice and stay on my naturopath diet, but I remain the same size.  The size I don’t feel is my true size.

So the reason I don’t identify as a plus-size blogger is that I refuse to give up in my fight back to health.  Maintaining a healthy weight is, has been, and I suspect always will be harder for me than for other people, but that doesn’t mean I will let myself off the hook when it comes to my body and my health.  I know the extra weight I carry right now is hard on my heart, makes running jumping skipping and dancing harder, and just generally makes me feel uncomfortable which is no fun.  Now don’t get me wrong, I DEFINITELY give myself permission to feel beautiful no matter my size or shape, and so should you.  Beauty is so much more than BMI, and if we don’t acknowledge that then we’re really missing the mark.  But I also want to own up to my struggle to get back to where my body feels like my own.  I remember when I met my husband, I just felt light and carefree and radiant in my body.  I’m working to get that back: that feeling where you’re at home in your own skin.  No one loves feeling bloated and big, no matter much they say they do.  And so my goal on this blog is to be me at the weight I am, dressing myself the way I want to and sharing ideas with all of you.  Right now I’m a bigger Brianna, someday I’ll be a smaller Brianna, but my style and my self will be the same.  Labeling that just seems weird, you know?  I’m just me.

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Me in the Gap Factory dressing room yesterday, feeling flirty in a full skirt.  When Jeff got home he was giving me the “hey there” eyes, so the outfit was score for both of us 😉

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Jacket: Gap/ Scarf: thrifted/ Tank: Garage (the best tanks ever imo)/ skirt: thrifted/ Shoes: consignment (Aldo)

 

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